The Chasing Diaries (Chasing #1.5)

by Pamela Ann

“Not one word, not one gesture of yours shall I, could I, ever forget...”

-Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

My heart for yours

I heard a light knock on the door and I spun around to find Kyle leaning against the doorframe, looking glum. His dark, f**k-me hair all over the place, making him look simply hot. He was wearing his signature wife-beater and beat-up jeans, his muscles defined and sculpted. His rather handsome face had that glum look, though. He’s been sporting that look ever since I told him I was going to study abroad.

It hurt me to see him like this, but I had to leave. I can’t be around this house. I was living in the home of my late father’s sister, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I just needed to get away and lead a new life.

“Close the door and come here, Matthews,” I ordered him. Sighing, he finally did as I asked. Kyle sat on the foot of my bed and I took his face in my hands, pulling his gaze to my own. “I’m leaving in two days. Please don’t be like this. You know how hard this is for me, but you know that I have to.”

Kyle closed his eyes and rested his face on my stomach. “I don’t know how I’m going to live without you, Si. It’s always been you and me against the world. How the hell am I going to function without you by my side?”

I honestly didn’t know how he would, but I knew he must try. I just needed a few years out of the country to study, and then I planned to be back here again, with him. For Kyle Matthews was my future. I couldn’t picture my life without him.

I simply just couldn’t.

Pushing his head away from my tummy, I straddled his lap and kissed him. I kissed him like I couldn’t get enough of him because I really couldn’t. Kyle was the only man I had ever loved, the only man I had ever been intimate with and I did not plan to change that.

“I love you. I don’t have to tell you that I do. I will be back for you… for us. You’re still planning to marry me someday, right? You can’t back out now because I’m going to keep your heart hostage. I’m never returning it.” I smiled at the man who was starting to look happy again.

Kyle’s hands skimmed the sides of my hips. “Bring all of your things back to my house. I want to spend each and every single second with you and in you,” he whispered in my ear as his hands went inside my shirt, inside my bra. I gasped when his finger brushed my nipple.

I shivered.

Hell yeah, I wanted to spend the next two nights with him. “Yes, I thought you’d never ask.”

I moaned when he pinched my nipple. For two years, Kyle’s touch had affected me like it’s the first time every time he’s touched me. I tried to move away from him, but his other hand held me down.

“I want to have your amazing body first, baby. I need to be inside you. NOW,” Kyle spoke before he bit into my neck.

Oh my God, yes, I thought deliriously.


My hands found his hair and I pulled it before directing his lips to seal with mine. Within seconds he lifted me off and I was on my back. Whilst kissing, he used both hands to tug my leggings off along with my thong.

We both groaned in unison when his fingers opened my wet folds. My body arched when he inserted two fingers inside me.

Shit, I wanted him… BAD.

“Promise me that no one else gets to touch this, Sienna? I want to be the only man to claim this body. Just me and no other man.” Kyle’s voice was full of passion, yet it was tinged with seriousness, too; what he wanted to convey was evident.

Was he serious? I didn’t plan on cheating on him. I loved him, how could he even ask this? It was ridiculous and totally irrelevant.

“Kyle, you know that you’re it for me. You’ll be my first and my last with no one in between.” Not waiting for him to reply, I grabbed his jeans and unfastened them.

No more talking, buster.

My fingers were going crazy, searching him out, as I held my breath until my hand finally found his hard shaft; he hissed when my hold tightened around his girth. I stroked him, slowly and then hard. “I need you now—fuck me now, please!”

With one hard thrust, he slid into me, filling me gloriously. “Baby, I love how tight you are. No one will ever compare.” Kyle kissed me, desperately, hungrily, like it was the last time he would ever have the chance.

I matched his passion, kissing him while I lifted my h*ps to meet his hard pounding.

“You’re mine, Sienna. You’re the one,” he muttered, his gaze burning me as he came inside me.

Before Kyle took my virginity, we agreed that I would be on birth control. He’d said he wanted to love me without restrictions. I had agreed.

As promised, Kyle never left my side over the next two days. We shared showers and we made love as much as we could, which happened a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever had that much sex in my life. It was crazy.

It was two in the morning before we stopped; I was to leave in the next ten hours. We were in his bed, holding each other, naked, as we talked about our future together. We used to do this a lot, but now, it’s different. Tonight, we were really making a promise to each other.

“How many children would you want someday?” Kyle asked out of the blue. We had just made love for the fifth time. He just kept on touching me and I lavished each touch he gave.

I would certainly miss him. My heart ached for both of us.

“I did tell you I want a few,” I responded while I kissed his scruffy jaw. He chuckled softly.

“Yes, you did. Maybe after you get back from London, we can get married then? Would that be enough time for you?” He eyed me with love and sincerity.

“I would love to marry you right now, Matthews, but you told me you want to wait. So, yes, four years can’t come soon enough.”

Kyle softly caressed my collarbone. “I know you do, baby, but I need to figure things out, you know? I want to be stable and, at the same time, you need to figure things out, too. You’ll be twenty-three; you sure you won’t want to change your mind by then?”

Like that would really happen! I didn’t want anyone else.

“Hell, yes! I would love to be Mrs. Matthews!”

I squealed when he nipped my neck. “Well then, Ms. Richards, will you do me the honor of becoming my future Mrs. Matthews?”

When Kyle rolled me on my back and parted my legs, I moaned my “yes” as he entered me again and again.


That last night we had was bittersweet. I was excited to leave; however, my heart broke to see him so downcast and melancholy. I was hopeful, though, because nothing would ever break us apart.

Our unmistakable bond and love was forever…

My heart stopped beating

Six weeks later…

“Are you quite ready to leave, love?” Lucy peaked through the small crack on the door.

“Yes, give me a minute, and then I’ll be right out!” I shot back.

I had barely just moved in a few days ago when I met her through a party and we’d hit it off almost immediately, so, when she mentioned she needed a roommate, I jumped on the chance.

Student housing was great, but I needed more space and privacy. This apartment was utterly perfect!

We were about to head out to Toby’s (who I met once)—party in Knightsbridge. Toby and Lucy were dating and madly in love at that!

The winter in London was brutal—compared to LA, of course—so I opted to wear black. I wore black jeans, boots, and cashmere sweater and did my make-up in the same shade.

When we finally managed to get out of our apartment building in Covent Garden, Luce instantly hailed a cab. I decided to text Kyle during the ride.

Me: Baby, how’s your day going? Your dad’s not giving you a tough time, I hope? Can’t stop thinking about you :) Miss your kisses!

When my phone beeped almost immediately, I rushed to open it. I have missed Kyle. I even cried once because I missed him like crazy, but I was determined to stay here. I needed to stay here and be on my own.

Kyle: I can’t stop thinking about you either, Si. Trust me when I tell you that you’re the first thing that enters my head when I wake up in the morning (you and your irresistible body). I feel so lost without you with me. I love you. What have you been up to?

His message made me smile like an idiot. I better be the first thing he thinks about in the morning! If he jacks off thinking about another woman, I will kick his balls!

Me: On my way to Toby’s house party (Lucy’s Man). I love you, Kyle Matthews!

Kyle: If any man approaches you, tell him that you’re taken, ‘kay? The thought of you talking to other guys and flirting makes me ill. Fuck! I hate this! Come back to me.

Now, he’s just overreacting. Me? Flirt? Right, so not funny.

Me: I am yours… now, I have to go. We’re here. Tell your parents that I said hi!

When we got to Toby’s apartment, he was all smiles. I supposed he was drunk already because his cheeks were flushed and his blue eyes were all on Lucy. He’s so in love with her! I grinned when I looked at them. They honestly reminded me of Kyle and me.

Lucy introduced me to a lot of people that they went to school with and they were all nice, welcoming me to London. A few men even offered to take me around and show me the real city, but I graciously declined. When they asked if I was in a relationship, I didn’t even hesitate to tell them that yes, I am and quite happy too.

Lucy and I were getting more wine when I first noticed a man watching me with such scary intensity. When our gazes clashed across the room, I kid you not, I felt the whole apartment shrink and it was only him I saw. Those eyes held me in such a trance I felt dizzy. My body became alert like it had been called by its owner. My senses were heightened and my entire body prickled. Even from a distance, I knew his eyes were unique. He was tall, broad, but even with his gray cashmere sweater, his muscles were evident.

Good God! I had never seen such male perfection. He simply took my breath away… in a heartbeat… merely with a searing, burning look.

I heard Lucy clear her throat beside me. “That’s Blake Knightly, Toby’s best friend. Fascinating specimen, is he not? Women chase him for his looks alone. Sprinkle in a dash of the multi-billion dollar empire of his grandfather’s that he will soon inherit and women flock, dying to get his attention.”